Confidence. My Story

My Diploma Art Work. Last exam

What does it mean to be confident person? Well, to be sure in yourself, be totally right every time about any of your decisions? No, I don’t think so, because sometimes the most stupid person can be very confident.

I have never been confident person in school. A little bit more confident I became in university. But as I told you before teachers there never liked it. I am seriously don’t know why teachers in university hated students so much. I remember how only because of my look (I had white and black hair in the same time and was dressing up like a rap-girl) the teacher did everything to put me bad mark on exam.

Studying in art faculty is more difficult than you can imagine.

For example how you can evaluate a talent?

Every semester we had exam-exhibitions in the corridors of our university. We showcased our art. And teacher gave us marks.

How you can give mark for art? I mean the way how we painted and draw are totally different. We are all individuals.

The main thing we all supposed to paint the same style and same way (without any different vision). I remember teachers told us – “When you finish university you can paint as you want, but not now”.

I remind you – ART Faculty. It was art faculty. Making art work is not like learn subject for exam so you can answer questions and get mark. You are splashing your emotions and feelings on canvas.

You can never say – my art is better than yours. We are all different. Somehow teachers were sure they can. And one more important fact – teachers made us believe we will never be as good painters as they are. We will never even come close to their talent. And I remember that the best appreciation of my art work from teacher was – “Not bad”. That’s it. I can’t remember hearing any really good words about my art till the day of my last exam. When I painted big traditional Russian naturmort. Yes, that last exam I got the best mark and a lot of good words (only because to speak for teachers it was a must that day and because my family, friends and all faculty were there).

Did I become more confident that day? Well, no I don’t think so. Happy yes, I understood that I am very good painter. But final appreciation of my teachers did not give me confidence. The confidence this university tried to bury all 5 years of study.

After I moved to Bahrain, started work here, dating and partying. Did I get confidence?

A bit, but most of the time my confidence were killed by some very rude and arrogant people.

So when I got confidence? Difficult to say, because even now sometimes I don’t feel it.

Well, of course I am confident and very happy to be sure in myself in my abilities. This feeling did not appear just one day, it was built by years of work, of exhibitions, of modeling, achievements. By the way physical appearance does not give much points to self-confidence, believe me. The inner world and its happiness are. I saw a lot of beautiful girls and boys who are shy, without self-esteem. Who don’t know anything, just the fact they look good. As well as that a lot of happy strange looking people. And I got more positive vibes from the second ones than from beautiful closed types.

Some of my friend once told me that confidence came into her life after she gave birth. It’s like she understood how important she is in this life.

Maybe with every achievement, with my every project, with every art work I am becoming more and more confident. I don’t think there is a limit. I don’t believe that smart person can seriously be fully confident. I think with everyday experience we are becoming more and more sure, more and more believe in our abilities. But I know that I will always ask myself – am I to sure I can do something? Of course I will never be fully confident, but I am truly will work for it. To get this feeling?

No, just to be important for this world.

Confidence is generally described as a state of being certain either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective. Self-confidence is having confidence in oneself. 
Arrogance or hubris in this comparison, is having unmerited confidence—believing something or someone is capable or correct when they are not. 
Overconfidence or presumptuousness is excessive belief in someone 
(or something) succeeding, without any regard for failure. 
Confidence can be a self-fulfilling prophecy as those without it may fail or not try because they lack it and those with it may succeed because they have it rather than because of an innate ability.